How Not To Design Logos

This is what I came up with when I purposely designed the worst logo I could come up with, using real design techniques I’ve seen.

Now let’s imagine this is the type of work my agency really produced, and let’s suppose that I had done this logo for a client and was sending it to them with an explanation of my rationale behind it. This is how that explanation might go:

Hey Joe, here is the new logo design I’ve come up with for Cliche.

First, I used the Papyrus font. Papyrus is a really cool font that denotes contact with nature, as well as a connection with the ancient mystics of Egypt. I made the text color a muddy brown to tie in with the nature aspect, but then I made the “i” blue, because blue is the color of water, and water is the essence of life, so the blue i gives the brand life. Plus everybody likes blue-eyed people better. I also stretched the font out a bit because I think it makes it a little smarter, you know, like you’re stretching to satisfy your customers.

Next, I’ve noticed that the Nike swoosh has done well for them, so I thought maybe we could play off that a bit. I put in a swoosh, but to change it up it’s upside down. I made it red because red is a power color, and it’s backwards, but don’t take that as meaning that your company is backwards from Nike, I just had to change it around for trademark reasons. I feel like the drop-shadow gives it some depth and really draws the eye to it, like it’s coming at you! It’s pretty hard to beat a swoosh.

Finally, and most importantly, is the globe. As you know Joe, in this day and age if you want to grow you’ve got to be a global company, and nothing says “global” like a globe in your logo. This says that you have really arrived, you’re somebody, and people better listen. And now that I look at it with the swoosh kind of pointing as though the name of the company and the swoosh are speeding towards the earth, it’s almost like it’s saying “Lookout world, here comes Cliche, watch out!”

I’d like to say this would get my agency fired from the job, but based on much of the logo work I’ve seen out there that has been accepted by clients, I can’t be too sure.